Suicide
by mikokatt
Summary: Kadaj doesn't want to take part in the reunion, but his brothers are forcing him into it. Suicide thoughts are filling his head, but how to get them into motion? Takes place during advent children in the beggining, I think. Read to find out.


Death

I couldn't take my life. With the reunion coming closer, Mother and Sephiroth' s voices have become more common. They drive me insane, to the brink. I wanted to keep my life, but that was impossible. When the time came, Sephiroth would take over, and I would die. There was no getting around it. So I had a choice. I could die when Sephiroth came and took over, or I could die on my own terms. If I was going to die, it was going to be on MY terms, not theirs. Roze said that I should just run away, that the reunion couldn't happen without my absorbing some of Mother. She's right, about the reunion part at least. It can't happen without Mother, but I still don't have a choice. Sephiroth can already control parts of my mind, so he would force me to do it. Plus, I couldn't run. Yazoo had his friends watching the house, so if I tried to run, they would see me if I tried. So my only chance was to die on my own. So I would sit and think and plan. The only problem was that to fully die, a Jenova' s body has to be burned, or they can be healed and brought back. That would have me in an even worse position. Eventually I came up with a plan. Not fool proof, but good enough.

I walked outside, knowing that it would get me the attention that I needed. The first person to see me was Zazzle. He was the nicest one of Yazoo's' friends, so when he saw me, he didn't alert the others. He walked over to me, slowly so he wouldn't alert the others. "Kadaj, what are you doing out here? If the others see you you'll be in big trouble."

"I want to talk to Yazoo. I've decided to go along with the reunion, because it's the best thing to do."

"Glad to hear it Kadaj. Stay here, I'll go find Yazoo." he turned and walked off to find my brother.

Despite the fact that every instinct in my body was screaming at me to run, I stayed put by the door. I watched as Zazzle finally came back with Yazoo. Yazoo had a smile on his face, completely fooled into thinking that I was going along with it. "Kadaj, I'm glad you've finally come to your senses little brother. What made you realize that this is what's best?"

"I realized that Sephiroth is our big brother. He would never let me die; he'll find a way to save me."

He smirked, knowing full well, just as I did, that Sephiroth didn't give a shit about any of us. But he was going to do whatever he had to, say whatever he had to, to keep me going along with it. "Of course he will. He would never let one of his brothers die. Plus, as soon as he was able to find a body of his own, you would get yours back, and everything would be back to normal."

"Of course. Tell me Yazoo, do we have any leads on where Mother is?" I asked, surprised he was so easily fooled.

"We have heard something about the northern crater. Out where Mother crashed to begin with."

"Is that where Loz is?"

"No, I've sent Loz out to see if there are any other leads. If Mother isn't there, we want an idea of where to go after."

"So when does he get back? Now that I know that this is the right thing to do, I want to help."

"He should be back within the week. Once he's back, we'll leave for the crater."

"Even on the bikes isn't that a two or three day trip?"

"Yes, it is. Why do you ask?"

"Well, if Loz is digging around for information, isn't it possible for ShinRa to catch on and chase us?"

"Yes, it's possible, but you shouldn't worry little brother. We escaped from ShinRa all those years ago, and they won't catch us now. We'll make sure that they don't track us."

"Alright, if you're sure. Yazoo?"

"Yes brother?"

"Can I have Souba back?"

"Of course. I'll bring it to you later."

"Thank you brother,"

"Of course. Now, have you eaten today? You need to keep your strength up."

"I'll do that." I turned and walked back into the house, heading for the kitchen.

I went back up to my room after eating. My plan needed to be changed around a bit, but I could easily fix my plan. My original plan included killing Yazoo and Loz, but Loz was just doing what Yazoo told him to. He didn't deserve to die, so I would find a way to spare his life, while still taking Yazoo's and my own. It shouldn't be too hard.

Yazoo came up later that night, bringing me my Souba. I gladly took it back, glad to have it back in my hands. They had taken it from me when they realized that I had no plan to assist the reunion, but now that I had it back, my plan would work much better.

Loz came back a few days later, bringing some new information. If Mother wasn't at the crater, we would head south, to Midgar. I told them that going there was much too dangerous. That's where Rufus ShinRa had run off to, hiding there with his best Turks, as well as what was left of SOLDIER. Yazoo and I got into a heated argument, and I eventually put my foot down. "If we want big brother to come back, I need both of you. I will not take risks that can be avoided. I'm the leader now, got it? I'm the one that he wants; I'm the one who can hear Mother. You both will listen to me."

Loz and Yazoo looked at me in shock, but Yazoo recovered quickly. "That's exactly what I was looking for. I have to say that I was doubting you, but that just proves that you really do care."

"Oh shut up Yazoo." I looked back at Loz, in a much kinder voice "is it absolutely necessary to go to Midgar?"

"Your argument was a good one Kadaj, but Rufus ShinRa is the reason we need to go to Midgar. If Mother isn't at the crater, then that means that ShinRa Corp. has already found her and taken her somewhere. His SOLDIER program has been destroyed; he has no one but his four Turks. They will be easy to beat."

"If you're sure Loz. I trust your judgment."

He nodded and we took off that night. I decided to try one of my more basic plans, get myself killed, and maybe manage to get Yazoo killed as well. Granted Loz might get killed too, but it would be worth it. I managed to get a message, via text, out to ShinRa. I told him that the remnants were heading out to the Northern Crater, looking for Mother. That would get a reaction from them, though I didn't know who they would send.

I let them lead the way out to the crater, while I watched behind us, watching to see if we would be found and followed.

No one followed behind us, but we weren't the first ones there. We managed to ambush the unsuspecting Turks, catching them for information. The other two flew off in their helicopter, leaving behind the girl Turk and the robot looking Turk.

My first plan had failed. We easily beat the crap out of two. Neither would talk. If I wasn't for the fact that he bled, I would have sworn that the male, whose name turned out to be Tseng, was a robot. He never spoke, never flinched when we hit them, never reacted at all. The girl, Elena, was another story. She cursed and yelled at us, tried to hit back, but despite her soft looking outside, we couldn't break her. They were half dead by the time a red form flew in. bullets flew from the figure, keeping us away from the Turks. By the time we could see clearly, the Turks and the red form were gone.

When we camped that night, Yazoo was pissed. "How did they know we were coming? And that red freak. If I ever get my hands on him..."

"Calm your ass down Yazoo. At least we know that ShinRa has Mother. Rufus ShinRa should be much easier to convince to talk. We'll get the information from him. I WILL find Mother and bring our older brother back."

Yazoo was still pissed, but at least he shut up. It gave me a chance to think. My first plan had failed, miserably. But now that we were headed to Midgar, I had a new plan. I wouldn't get Yazoo, but at least I'd be dead. I was sure it would work, that's supposing Sephiroth didn't interfere. He had already tried to ruin my first plan, making me dodge bullets that could have killed me._ 'You won't succeed Kadaj. I won't allow you to ruin my chance of return'_ his voice rang in my head.

I growled. _'Leave me alone Sephiroth. I'll do whatever the fuck I want to. If I want to kill myself, then I'll commit suicide. You won't take control, especially when you plan to kill thousands of people for no reason.'_

_'It's Mothers will Kadaj. You can't fight us both.'_

_ 'I don't need to. You can't stop me, and Jenova can do nothing. Yazoo believes that I'm fully on board with the whole thing, and there's no way you can tell him otherwise. I'm the only one you can talk to.'_

_ 'Very true little one, but I CAN stop you. I'm growing stronger; I could stop you if I needed to.'_

_ 'Say it all you want Sephiroth, you won't stop me.'_

_ 'We shall see.'_ he vanished, receding back into my mind.

We left early the next morning, headed towards ShinRa. I had planned to go without distraction, but we ran into a very interesting blonde. From Sephiroths mind I learned that he was Cloud Strife, our big brother, but also an enemy to Sephiroth. I decided he could help me. I looked at my brothers. "Stay here, Sephiroth wishes to speak to the blonde, alone. They know each other."

They nodded, letting me ride down to meet him. "Cloud!"

He turned his head to see me racing up behind me. His bike popped open, revealing a bunch of swords. The seven pieces of his busted sword. He pulled one out, fully ready to fight. "No no, Cloud, I don't want to fight. I want to talk to you."

"Listen kid, didn't your mother ever tell you not to talk to strangers, especially armed strangers?" he said, pulling over.

"Nope, never had a mother. Look, I'm sure you think you have better things to do, but this is extremely important, and it's something you'll care about Cloud."

"How do you know my name anyways kid? Or does my reputation proceed me?"

"I know everything about you Cloud. Your hometown was Nibelheim, you lived with your mother, you left for SOLDIER at a young age, you only ever made cadet, you were never a first class SOLDIER like people thought you were. Your best friend there was Zack Fair, you also hung out with Sephiroth."

"How the hell do you know all that? Did Rufus send you?"

"No, but I need your help."

"Sorry kid, I don't play hero anymore." he put his sword away ad got ready to drive off again.

"It's about Sephiroth."

He stopped and looked at me. "He's dead kid, relax."

"If you don't help me, he won't be dead for long."

"What are you talking about? I killed him myself. How is he going to come back?"

"My name is Kadaj. ShinRa calls me and my brothers remnants of Sephiroth. My brothers are trying to bring him back, and they know exactly how to do it. He's getting stronger, and if I don't stop it soon, he'll take me over completely, and he'll be alive again. You have to help me."

"First tell me how you guys plan to bring him back. Then I'll see if I can help."

"Mother is the key. When they find Mother, I'll have to absorb part of her, and he'll come back, not just his mind, but everything about him. He's constantly telling me that it's going to happen, no matter what I do to stop it."

"Who's Mother?"

"Jenova. We, or they do, call her Mother. I just do it to keep them fooled."

"So if you're one of his remnants, why do you want to stop his return?"

"I don't want him to kill the thousands that he plans to. I don't want to die either, but I don't have a choice."

"So you want me to keep Jenova away from you guys, is that it?"

"No, I have a better solution. I'm the only one he can come back through. So you're going to do me a favor."

"And what's that?"

"Kill me and burn my body."

"What?"

"Kill me, then burn my body. If you don't burn my body, they can just heal me and I'll be trapped in this nightmare of a life again. Will you do it Cloud?"

"I don't think I can do that kid. It's against everything I fought for. I'll visit Rufus and see if I can get Jenova destroyed or something. The killing part you'll have to find someone else for that. I would suggest trying to find my friend Vincent. He has a huge grudge against Sephiroth. I'm sure he'd kill you as soon as he found out you were connected to Sephiroth."

"How would I find him? My brothers and I are headed to Midgar, towards Rufus."

"Don't go to Midgar, you'll get caught. They'll probably experiment on you or something."

"Why do you care?"

"Because I know what they do to people. I've been on the receiving end of some those experiments. It ain't worth it, trust me."

"Cloud, I really need to do this. Experimentation would be better than the hell I'm living right now."

"It really wouldn't be. Look, I'll tell you what, your brothers are the ones forcing you into this right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"What if you got away from them?"

"I'd still have to deal with Jenova and Sephiroth. I'm worried that he'll get so strong that he'll take over without the Jenova."

"How about this. You come with me, and we'll see what we can do for you. If anything, plenty of my friends would be willing to kill you."

"Where would we go?"

"Midgar, a good friend of mine owns a bar out there. That's where I'm staying. That sound good?"

I thought for a second. Maybe they had a way to help me. Sephiroth was trying to come to the surface, to try to stop me, but I'd gotten skilled at shoving him back down. Even if they couldn't help me get rid of them, they could kill me. "I'll come with. Lead the way Cloud."

He nodded, starting his bike. I started mine, turning to flip Yazoo off then driving off behind Cloud. I could hear my brothers heading towards us so I called up to Cloud. "Cloud, they're coming, you think that thing can outrun them? I know mine can."

He turned back to look at my brothers, then looked at me. "Try to keep up kid." he revved his bike and took off.

I pushed my bike to its limits trying to keep up with him. We easily lost my brothers, and I had a small sense of freedom as I sped through the desert with Cloud. Never slowing down, we drove all night, getting to Midgar around 11 at night. We pulled up behind the building. I could hear lots of people inside, talking, drinking, laughing. It made me kind of sad. I hadn't laughed for real for a very long time. I envied the people in there for their happiness. I was lost in my mind, when I heard someone calling my name. I snapped out of it, coming back to reality to find Cloud watching me. "Kadaj, you alright?"

"Yeah, sorry. I just spaced is all."

"No problem. Come on in." he started towards the door.

I got off my bike and followed him in. The first thing to hit me was the noise. I had known it was noisy, but this was over whelming. I followed Cloud through the groups of people, watching a few people say hello to Cloud as we walked through. I myself gained a few strange looks. I was glad when he pulled me into a back room that was much quieter. "You aren't use to so many people are you?" Cloud asked, shutting the door behind him so we were in the room without all the noise.

"No, I'm used to being around my brothers, my sister, and my brothers friends."

"We're only open for about another half hour, so it will quiet down soon."

"Alright."

"I'll bring you some food later. I need to go find Tifa, let her know what's going on."

"Thank you."

He just nodded, stepping back out into the madness of the bar.

I looked around the room. There wasn't a whole lot to it. A bed near the wall, a small dresser and a small table. The window was covered by curtains, but even with them covered, the room was too bright for my liking. I walked over to the light switch, flipping the lights off. I could still see due to my Jenova, so I walked over to the bed and sat down on it.

I sat there for a long time, I don't know how long, but eventually the noise died down, and it was silent. Glad for the quiet, I laid back on the bed, and dozed off.

I woke in the morning to someone else in the room with me. I bolted upright in the bed to see a little girl. She was sitting on the end of the bed. She was kinda cute, she reminded me of Roze. Her Long brown hair pulled back with a red bow, a white dress on.

I must have scared her when I sat up so fast because she had jumped down from the bed. I felt bad. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to scare you. My name is Kadaj. Is Cloud around somewhere?"

"It's ok. I'm Marlene. Cloud went to see a friend of his. He told me to tell you that he'd be back later. You're welcome to come downstairs and get some breakfast. We don't open till noon so the bar is empty."

"Thank you Marlene. I think I'll do that."

"You're welcome." she ran out of the room.

I climbed out of the bed, looking in the mirror on the dresser. My hair was a mess, so I tried to comb through it. My leather clothes were dusty from driving yesterday, but they were all I had. I wandered downstairs to see Marlene playing with a small blonde boy. I wandered around till I found the kitchen. A tall woman with short black hair stood there cooking, she wore a short black skirt with a vest like shirt. "Um..." I didn't really know what to say to her.

She turned to look at me, then smiled. "You must be Kadaj. Cloud was explaining your situation to me last night. Are you hungry?"

"Um...yes, a little. But I don't wish to be a burden."

"Not at all. You're quite welcome here." she handed me a plate, turning back to the cooking.

I thanked her and walked back out to the main area. Marlene was still playing with the little boy, but when she saw me, she pulled him over to me. "This is Denzel. He's sick."

I looked at the boy and saw the marks on his forehead. They were the same marks that I had on my left shoulder. "You have geostigma too. I had thought that just my family had it."

He shook his head. "Lots of kids around here have it. Even some of the adults. I think Cloud has it too, but he won't admit it."

"Hm."

"Let Kadaj eat you guys. Why don't you go play with the neighbor kids hu?" the women walked out.

They nodded and ran out. She came over and sat with me. "I don't think I told you, I'm Tifa. I'm the owner of the bar."

"It's nice to meet you. So what all did Cloud tell you?"

"For one, the fact that you're determined to die. But he also explained why. I'm glad that you're trying to stop his return. I can't stand that man."

"Why, what did he do to you? Or is it just everything he's done in general?"

"I grew up with Cloud in Nibelheim. I was there when he destroyed it. Cloud tried to save me, and we just barely made it out alive. That was when Cloud killed him. The idea of him coming back is enough to make me insane."

"Trust me, you don't know insane till you've been inside my head."

"Cloud mentioned that. I can't imagine having two voices in my head, constantly telling me to do something that I didn't want to."

"I've gotten good at shoving Sephiroth back, but Jenova is much stronger. I can't silence her. If it wasn't for the fact that for me to fully die you have to burn my body, I would have committed suicide a long time ago."

"I understand, kinda. Listen, we'll try to help you. Cloud has some friends that might be able to help you out."

"I hope so. I hate having..." I was interrupted by my phone blaring Sometimes by Skillet.

I winced, and Tifa saw it. She looked concerned. "Kadaj? What's wrong?"

"It's my brother, Yazoo. The main one that's forcing me into the reunion. I don't want to answer it, but I have to. Do you mind?"

"Of course not." she stood up and walked out. I pulled the phone out and answered it "Oi?"

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT? WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU? I SWEAR THAT WHEN I GET AHOLD OF YOU, I'M GOING TO BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR THAT LITTLE STUNT YOU PULLED."

"Yazoo, I never wanted to do the reunion. Cloud offered me a chance to maybe get some help, and if not, they're going to kill me and burn my body. I won't be a puppet."

"YOU LITTLE BASTARD! AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE DONE FOR YOU, YOU DO THIS TO US. YOU PIECE OF SHIT!"

"What did you ever do for me Yazoo? You mean the beatings, the starvation? Yeah, you did a lot for me." I was trying not to yell at him, I didn't want to be impolite to Tifa, who had been so kind to me.

Yazoo seemed to have calmed down a bit, because he quit yelling. "Kadaj, what we did was to make you stronger. We did it for your sake. Don't you understand?"

"No Yazoo, I don't. It doesn't matter anyways. I'm not coming back. I won't be a puppet anymore. I can't believe how easily you were fooled. I told you before that I would have no part in it, and nothing was going to change that."

"Please Kadaj. Look, I'm sorry I was so mean to you. I just so desperately want to see Mother and make Sephiroth happy. And if Sephiroth is happy, Mother will be happy. Don't you want Mother to be happy?"

"We already have a mother Yazoo, don't you remember her? Why do we need another?"

"Our mother never cared about us Kadaj. She let you go through all that crap from Kiehu."

"No she didn't. She sent him away, remember?"

"But then she let him right back in. Face it, she didn't actually care. Mother cares about us Kadaj."

"If she cared about us she wouldn't be sending me to my death. And the fact that you're sending me to my death is just...I can't believe you. You aren't the Yazoo that took me away from Kiehu. Ever since we got the Jenova, you've changed. You aren't my brother anymore. Don't call me back till you're my brother again." I hung up, dropping the phone on the table.

I rested my head on the table, glad that conversation was over. Tifa walked back in and saw me sitting there. "Everything ok? They aren't hunting for you are they?"

"I don't know. Yazoo was trying to talk me into going back, not that I would ever even think of going back to them. I just worried..."

"Kadaj?"

"I have a sister, Roze, Marlene reminds me of her. She still at the house. I'm worried that he might take his anger out on her. I'm tempted to run out there and get her out."

"How old is she Kadaj?"

"She actually older than me, but I love her to death. She's the only one who's ever cared about me in this crazy Jenova family."

"If she's older than you I'm sure she'll be ok."

"You don't know Yazoo when he's mad. And if he tells Loz to attack her...she won't stand a chance."

"I'm sorry Kadaj. Tell me, where do you live?"

"Just outside of Healin. The four of us got tired of ShinRa telling us what to do, so we ran and we've been hiding out there."

"So you don't live too far from here then. Normally I don't go against Cloud, but what if I helped you get her out of there?"

I looked at her in shock. "Y..you would do that? But, you hardly know me."

"She sounds like she might be in some trouble. I'm open to helping anyone, especially those hurt by ShinRa."

"Thank you. I'll call her, telling her we're coming to get her."

"I'll get the kids and leave them with a friend." she got up and walked out.

I grabbed my phone, and hit Rozes speed dial. She didn't answer for a minute then I heard her. "Oi?"

"Roze, it's me."

"Kadaj? What are you doing? Where are you? Yazoo called and said you drove off with some blonde."

"Relax Roze, I'm safe. But you might not be. I'm worried that Yazoo might try to take his anger out on you."

"I'm worried about that too. I'm not scared though Daj. I can beat Yazoo, even when he's pissed."

"Yeah, but you can't beat Loz. Listen, the blonde, he's helping me, and he has a friend, I'm with her now, her name is Tifa, we're coming to get you out of there."

"Ok, with you guys gone, Yazoo had his friends go home."

"Alright. We'll be there in a few hours."

"Alright." she hung up.

I hung up, getting up, my breakfast untouched. Tifa walked back in, pulling on a pair of black gloves. She turned to walk outside, and I thought of something. "Tifa, we can't all three fit on my bike."

She turned and looked at me. "We don't have to. Roze can ride with you; I'll ride on my own. I do have my own bike. You just lead the way."

We drove out to the house, to the unfortunate finding that my brothers had returned and were just heading in the house. Tifa and I looked at each other, and unspoken words passed between us. She climbed off her bike and headed towards the house. I watched as she spoke with Yazoo, and then she went into the house. After a few minutes, she came out with Roze. They both were unharmed, so I knew our plan was a success. They walked over to the bikes, and Roze ran to me. I helped her onto my bike and the three of us drove off.

When we got back, we came to face a mad but worried Cloud. "And just where did you too go? And who is she?" he pointed to Roze.

Tifa laughed. "Oh relax Cloud. She happens to be his sister. We were worried that Kadaj's brothers would attack her for his leaving, so I talked him into taking me to get her."

Cloud sighed. "Your too caring sometimes Tifa. I'm just glad you made it back safely."

Tifa laughed again. "You weren't worried about me were you Cloud?"

"Of course I was worried about you. You're my oldest friend."

"Yeah yeah. I'm gonna show Roze around." she led Roze off, leaving me with Cloud.

I didn't know what to say to him, he seemed to be in a better than when we first came in, but he still didn't seem all that happy that Tifa and I had left. So I just looked at the ground and mumbled "Sorry Cloud"

He sighed. "It's alright Kadaj. You were worried about your family. I can't blame you for that. And to let you know, I went to see a friend of mine, he knows some of the stuff about the Jenova project. He thinks he can remove the Jenova from you and probably your sister if she wants."

"Thank you Cloud. You've been so nice to us and you don't even know us."

"I played hero for years. I'm a sucker when it comes to helping."

"Still, I have to thank you."

"It's no problem. You seem like a decent kid. I'll take you out to see my friend tomorrow."

"Alright." I walked off, back to my room.

Cloud was true to his word and took me and Roze out to his friend. I was shocked to find out that it was the man in red who had reclaimed the Turks my brothers and I had captured. Regardless, he helped us by removing the Jenova. It was a long process, taking almost a month to get it all out. Over all that time I became good friends with Cloud and Tifa. I hung out with Cloud a lot, helping him out with his delivery service and such.

It took a few months, but Roze and I were finally perfectly normally. We were able to be around the humans without fear. We hadn't heard anything from Loz or Yazoo, so I figured that we would have a near carefree life. But of course, it's my luck.

I had begun noticing things that I probably shouldn't have. Maybe it was because I was around him so much, but things just stood out about him. He wasn't as distant and angsty as everyone thought he was. There were things that I noticed about how he looked, and sometimes I couldn't look away. Thankfully, he never noticed, which I was glad for. But like I said, my luck never holds out.

Roze and I had gone out one night, just for some fun. We had gone to a dance club, just to goof off. It was fun. We had a few drinks, danced with some random people, and hell, danced with each other a few times. Overall it was fun, though I wished a certain blonde had been there.

We were both tired, so we figured we cut down an alley on our way back to Seventh Heaven. We made it about half way down the alley before we saw 6 guys hanging out there. We were about to turn around when they saw us. "Looky here boys. You two lost or something?" one of them said.

I turned to look at them. "Not at all. We're just heading home is all. We'll go the long way though so we don't interrupt you." I said.

They stood up and walked over to us. "Well why should you do that? We're nice guys, we'll let you go through. For a price."

"No thank you, we'll just go around." I stood my ground, though I was fully aware that if these guys were gonna mug us or something, we were completely out numbered, unarmed, and weak without our Jenova.

"Now now, that's not very polite. Why don't you spend some time with us." they were getting very close, and some of them had even walked past us already, blocking our escape.

"We're sorry for interrupting your evening, just allow us to leave and you can return to your night."

"Oh I'm afraid that it's a little late for that. We want some payment for interrupting us." they had fully surrounded us.

Roze stepped up next to me, wanting to be gone from there, just like me. "I'm sorry. How much would you like?"

"Oh we don't want that kind of payment." he nodded at his friends behind us and they reached forward, grabbing Roze.

She screamed, reaching out to grab at me. I tried to grab her to pull her away, but they just grabbed me as well. I struggled against them, but I hadn't had a chance to rebuild my strength. I was pulled away to another part of the alley by three of the men while the other three pulled Roze off. I could hear her screaming for me, but I could do nothing to help her. "So, Kadaj is it? What a pretty name for a pretty boy. I bet you're even prettier under all those clothes." one of them said as the other two began ripping apart my clothes. I struggled feebly against them as they shoved me to the ground. I could hear Roze screaming and crying as they gave her the same rough treatment. I was so focused on her that I hadn't even noticed one of them, the one who wasn't holding me down, had undone his pants. He lifted my legs, which is what made me look at him. He smirked as he stepped up to me. I tried kicking out at him, but it was no use. He set himself and slammed into me. I cried out. Pain shot up my body as the man slammed in over and over again. My insides were ripped apart as he attacked me. "How is he?" one of my holders asked?

"God, this boy is tight. I don't think he's ever been fucked before. I swear, I ain't gonna last long with this kid."

He didn't. A few more slams and he blew into me, which made me cry out again. I hoped they were done, but I wasn't going anywhere. Two of them switched places, and a different guy took his turn with me, treating me just as roughly, if not rougher. He lasted longer, which just meant more pain. This guy had the guts to reach down and stroke me as well. I eventually gave up struggling, just shutting them out, trying to imagine someone else in their place. My spikey blonde, who had no idea where we were. Maybe he would come looking for us. It was an empty hope I knew, but it was a hope none the less. As I felt myself coming closer to the brink by the mans strokes, my mind was on him, my blonde. He would never actually be MY blonde, but it didn't matter. As I fell over the brink, I couldn't help but call out his name, and shockingly, a response. "Kadaj? KADAJ!" my eyes were slammed shut but I felt the guys holding me run off.

I curled into a ball on the ground, trying to cover myself the best I could. I could hear Roze crying a little way off, so I made myself get up and walk over to her the best I could. I sat beside her and held her as she cried. I wanted to cry too, but I had to stay strong for her. I looked around for him, but I didn't see him for a minute. Then he came running around the corner, back over to us. "Kadaj, Roze. It's ok, they're gone." he pulled off his jacket and gave it to Roze.

He stood up and grabbed his phone. I heard a bit of what was said. He had called Tifa to come help, to bring us some clothes. Tifa was there quickly, taking care of Roze. I dressed quickly and stood against the wall. Cloud came over to me, a worried look on his face. "I'm so sorry about what happened. I wish I could have been here sooner."

I looked up at him "Cloud, the fact that you found us is...incredible. What I want to know is how you found us."

"I was walking around, looking for you guys, then I heard you yell my name. I came around the corner, and you know the rest."

"You came looking for us?"

"Yeah, you guys are my friends. I was worried."

Cloud had been worried about us. It sent a little thrill through me. It wasn't a big deal, we had become good friends. Still, it made me happy. I leaned forward and hugged him. He was shocked at first, but hugged back. "I'm so sorry you saw me like that. For me to let something like that happen to me, and Roze, it's just..."

"Relax Kadaj. There was nothing you could have done. You guys were severely outnumbered."

I rested my head on his shoulder, glad for the comfort. I was glad he had come. The fact that it was him gave me some mixed feelings, but I knew I wouldn't have had anyone else come. Before I knew what I was doing, I pulled my head off his shoulder and kissed him lightly. It was quick, just a peck. But when I pulled back, I went beat red and pulled away from him. I muttered something about going to check on Roze and walked away quickly.

We walked home, I stayed by Roze the entire time, to make her feel safer, and also to avoid Cloud. I couldn't believe I kissed him. What was wrong with me? He probably thought I was insane or something now. He seemed to be avoiding me too, so I figured my assumption was right.

We were like that for a few weeks. I avoided him when I could, always making excuses to escape. I felt bad, but I didn't want to face up to what I'd done, mostly because I wanted to live in my little dream world where he didn't mind. I knew I couldn't avoid him forever, but I sure as hell could try.

I was there at Seventh Heaven, my shift over, I had started helping out there. I wandered up to my room, plopping down on my bed. I faintly heard Tifa say that she was going out for a bit, and that the bar was closed down. That meant that I had peace and quiet for a while. I actually fell asleep.

When I woke, I could faintly hear someone's breathing. I didn't move, I wasn't sure who it was. I hoped that they wouldn't figure out that I was awake and that they'd just leave. I'm not that lucky.

"Kadaj, I know you're awake. Just sit up."

Crap, it was Cloud, and I had no way to escape. Slowly, I sat up, but I didn't look at him. "Hi Cloud."

"Kadaj, why have you been avoiding me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Cloud."

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You won't be in the same room as me for more than 5 minutes, always making an excuse to leave."

"Cloud, I've just been busy is all."

"Kadaj, is this because of that night?"

"There is nothing from that night that I can't talk to you about."

"Then why have you avoiding me?"

"I haven't been avoiding you Cloud."

"Kadaj, you're a horrible liar. What's going on?" he stood up and sat on the bed next to me.

I refused to look up at him as he sat down. He set a hand on my shoulder, probably hoping that I'd look up at him. When that failed, he sighed. I felt him cup my chin, making me look up at him. His bright blue mako eyes looking at me in worry. I looked away, just off to the side. "Kadaj, dammit will you look at me," Cloud said.

I looked over at him, really wishing I could just vanish. Cloud looked at me, concern in his eyes. The time had finally come to face up to what I'd done, and see him reject me. "Ok, you're right. I have been avoiding you because of that night."

"Daj, I don't care that I saw you in weakness. What happened was unavoidable. There's no reason to be upset about it."

"It's not what happened to me that upset me Cloud. It's what I did after."

"What do you mean Kadaj?" he looked genuinely confused.

I pulled my head out of his hand, looking down. "I kissed you. Don't you remember?"

"Of courses I remember. How could I forget? Wait, that's why you've been avoiding me? Why?"

"Because...I knew you'd reject me. I was so embarrassed about doing it, that I couldn't face up to it."

"Kadaj, why would you think that?"

"Because you've got that thing with Tifa"

"What thing with Tifa? She's my oldest friend. There's nothing more between us. She wishes there was, but there's not."

"I just thought, with the way you guys acted."

"Daj, I'm gay."

I looked at him. "Really?"

"Yes. That's why it shocks me that you've been avoiding me over it. I didn't mind." he bent over and kissed me lightly.

I sat in shock for a minute before I kissed back. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling us closer. He wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me into his lap. I melted into him, letting him hold me.

I don't know how long we sat there, but I eventually had to pull back for air. I looked at him, then rested my head on his shoulder. Cloud laughed. "You realize this means you're mine now right?"

I smiled and laughed. "I can live with that."

"Good." he hugged me, and we sat there together. We actually eventually fell asleep together.

My life had gone from hell, with my plans of suicide, to this. It was weird how life changed.


End file.
